I have a love for acting. I have been in numerous plays at our church, ranging from playing background people all the way to the lead in a few productions. On top of that, I’ve been running my churches youth ministry for the last few years, which means I get to stand in front of a room full of kids and teach. (I prefer the word teach instead of preach, because, preaching sounds so preachy…um… yeah).
In that time, I have been recorded for many reasons. Either as a way to watch how the play unfolds, to watch and listen to myself while I am teaching, or because one of the youth decided to commemorate something stupid I was doing… which seems to happen more often then not.. the stupid part, not the videos.
All this wouldn’t be so bad..
Except, I absolutely hate the way I sound. My voice, in my head, sounds deep and resonating, commanding authority and respect. But on the playback I’m always like “Who the heck is that and why does he sound so high pitched and…” Yeah, you get the idea, it’s not a good voice, at least to how I think it should sound. Instead of the melodic tones of coolness, I’m stuck with the voice of what I imagine Waldo would sound like.. (it would explain why he keeps hiding)
And then there are the videos. Now, granted, I don’t mind the visual so much, I am an animated character after all, more akin to Tigger (although the bounce these days is a little less), and I am always a bit shocked to see how I express myself physically, cause being my age, seeing myself acting like an 8 year old hopped up on cotton candy and coke is just funny to me, or when I see one of me acting on stage, I tend to be pretty impressed that I can actually pull off the character I am portraying. However, I know that that isn’t me. Oh sure, it is, but it isn’t. Knowing the camera is rolling, we all tend to put on a false air about ourselves, assuming it will justify how we act so it doesn’t reflect to closely to ourselves.
Or maybe that’s just me.
I say all that to come to this conclusion, something I realized about 10 years ago or so. For as much as I love the stage… being on it, speaking from it, bringing people along with the story being told… I so much more prefer being the guy behind the scenes, doing the video taping (is that right, there is no tape anymore, so what do you call it?), or the recording, or making it all work together to create something awesome for you, the spectator.
I think that is why I love writing. I am getting across my point, but my point is not about how I look, or act, or speak. It’s about the words. Purity in the words.
And you can love what I say, or hate what I say, or chose not to even read it, and that’s OK.
Because, in the end*…
Words are what is left behind when we are gone.
(*I totally wanted to say “It doesn’t even matter.” and quote some Lincoln Park.. but I thought.. eh, to trite… but I totally thought it.)