What do I write for again?


I started writing on Blogger as a way to gather my thoughts, pouring my internal feelings out onto the cyber medium in order to get them out of my head. It was cathartic…

I started with my Count Your Blessings posts, because I quite honestly had gotten so stuck with the ever present thoughts of death and my imminent demise that I just needed to focus on something that was positive and good in my life.

(BTW, I totally stole this idea from a REAL_logofriend of mine who runs a social media challenge called REAL 30 Day Challenge… you should totally check it out. They have an instagram account also.)

But I quickly ended up struggling to find something to write about, not that I didn’t have things to be thankful for, but that somehow I would end up offending someone because I picked this or that over them, or some other stupid pathetic excuse I was afraid to confront that I allowed to stop me.

I tried to work through that, did ok for a bit, but found that I wanted something more. I don’t know, maybe it’s the creative writer in me that just craves something more than just introspective commentary (not that there is anything wrong with that).

Then I made the move to WordPress. Not sure why, but I did, and I have enjoyed being here. I found The Daily Post and a few other writing prompts that encouraged me to think about things and write down something on a daily basis (except Saturdays and Sundays, I take those off most of the time).

Even on the days that I find the topic lame, I try to spin the story toward something funny or with an O’Henry still telling. I even tried my hand at flash fiction. All the while, working at just completing some form of writing on a daily basis. (That’s always been my issue, I have great story ideas, but I get about halfway through them then just quit.)

All the while, I noticed I had this really odd habit I have somehow fallen into. Almost an obsession, if you will. With writing? I wish.

Then what you may ask…

(seriously, I’m glad you did, cause this set up wouldn’t have worked unless you did)

That friking notification button up in the right hand corner. Even right now, I’m staring at its cold, lifeless gray color, waiting for it to turn amber yellow (or is it more of a mustard color.. I don’t know.. cause I don’t have a new notification.. so.. I’ll just wait…)

….

Ok, 5 minutes and nothing… so.. whatever, I’ll just figure it out later.

Anyway, I also tend to troll my stats. Almost like I use to constantly check to see the stock prices of any of the stock that I own. D”id it go up?? 3 cents! Woot! Man, now it’s down.” Almost that compulsive behavior I hear people suffer from. (personally, I am a self diagnosed OCD sufferer… although, there are others who agree with me.)

So, there it is. My confession, of sorts, that I am constantly looking for reassurance that people read my stuff, and not only read it, but like it. (I wonder if that makes me a bit of a narcissist… or does that just make me a writer? Hrm, I wonder if saying I’m a writer was too prideful… and… welcome to how my brain thinks…)

Yep.

I think I might need help.

If you need me, I’ll be in the round room trying to find a corner.

This is not me.. granted, it could be...
This is not me.. granted, it could be…

(it’s orange, someone just commented on something…so.. I’m going to go and check that out.. so till the next time I invite you into the dysfunction that I call my mind… )

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