Death of the Hopeless Romantic


hopeless-romanticThe hopeless romantic.

That person that holds on to the idea that romance is not dead. That clings to the fact that somewhere out there, there is someone who is going to fulfill their every desire and make them feel complete… by the way… thanks, Jerry MaGuire for that one…

RANT INCOMING

Ok, let me just say this here and now… people don’t complete people. I’m not sure how that notion ever came about, but, how does one screwed up individual make another screwed up individual complete? Are there screwed up-nesses in opposing portions, and somehow those areas that one is screwed up in makes the other person less screwed up.. that’s like taking dirty water and mixing it with oily water and expecting it to be clean water.

Then, add to that, when the two people come to the realization that they don’t complete each other, the dream is shattered and they go looking for someone else to be their new complete-ness-er. Or… some other word I make up because it just sounds like it fits…

The word you were looking for Jerry was ‘compliment’. So… knock it off people or I will have to rant again at some later point.

Rant Complete

/flipping hair back into place and smoothing down shirt.

Now… where was I.

Oh, the hopeless romantic. See, that idea of completeness is what I think makes the romantic hopeless. They search for just the right person, holding out for a dream that they have, disqualifying anyone that misses the mark by just a little bit. But they want someone, which leads them to a place where they start lowering their standards, and in the process, get into relationships with all the wrong people, because, isn’t it better to be with someone than by yourself?

Wrong.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. So wrong.

Urban Dictionary defines a hopeless romantic as:

This person is in love with love. They believe in fairy tales and love. They’re not to be confused as stalkers or creepy because that’s not what a hopeless romantic is. All hopeless romantics are idealists, the sentimental dreamers, the imaginative and the fanciful when you get to know them. They often live with rose colored glasses on. They make love look like an art form with all the romantic things they do for their special someone.

However nice Urban Dictionaries contributors try to dress it up, no one normally looks at these people as anything more than silly, unless you are one (at which point, I just want to say thanks for still reading this, trust me.. it probably won’t get better).

The non-romantic people watch as a hopeless romantic, once again, puts their heart out there, ready to be used, abused, and dashed. They wonder what drives them, they wonder why they are so messed up, sometimes they even try to offer their advice to them, hoping that they take it and don’t end up on their couch 3 months later at 2am crying about how horrible the relationship turned out, and how come no one told them that person wasn’t right for them. (Anyone relates to this? Anyone? Where is that cricket noise coming from?)

Nobody wants that conversation.

Nobody.

And then… when it does happen, that ‘one couple in a century‘ thing… all the sudden the opposite happens and people line up for days to tell you how wrong it is, or how great it is, or how cute you guys are together, or how it won’t last, or how that other person is so wrong for you (ok, the hopeless romantic right now is saying, “See, all my friends were wrong, this person is the one. NO! Just stop, you are just justifying… knock it off and go watch the Doctor Cox video again… )

Either way, they are messing with your expectations for the relationship, building them up or dashing them down. It’s kind of like watching a ‘kill the man with the ball’ game. No, really, it is. It’s kind of brutal like that.

All that to say, I am a romantic. Fell in love at first sight with the girl I ended up marrying, who just happened to be a high school sweetheart (ok, that might have just been on my side). Chased her for 3 years until she said yes to marrying me (ok, this is sounding a lot less romantic and a bit more stalkerish… so carrying on). These days I am much less in practice then years before (sorry wife, working on that), but I enjoy writing about us, I enjoy writing her poetry, I enjoy dancing with her to classical music, I open the door for her, I shave my face clean (except my goatee, cause then I just look like a 12 year old and that’s weird), I try to make her feel special, and sometimes I even do the dishes and take out the trash (sometimes, wouldn’t want to set that bar too high now, right? Joking, joking). Now, I’m sure someone out there doesn’t think that is romantic, but my wife does.

Am I a hopeless romantic? Not at all.

I am, however, a hopeful romantic. (btw, thanks to Kailee for that term… I like it)

What’s the difference?

Perspective.

I don’t look to her for what she can do for me, but it’s more about what I can do for her (nope, don’t even come close to getting it right most of the time.. not even some of the time). It’s not about how I feel, it’s not about what I get out of it, it’s not about what’s in it for me (yes, that is where I fail most of the time, but, still working at it).

So, what is it about?

Her.

And there is the difference.


 

(oddly, I started writing this before I wrote this, which just happened to be the daily prompt for today… maybe it inspired me to write what I did, maybe not.. whatever.)

Ok… comment section is open… fire away internet… fire away

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11 thoughts on “Death of the Hopeless Romantic

  1. HopeFUL romantic, I like that. Comparing my relationship to anyone else’s is pointless. No point to it at all. I am who I am and my wife is who she is, and if we WORK at it, we might just be OK. Thanks for the post!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Reblogged this on Thoughts from the Front and commented:

    A post I wrote two years ago (yesterday) that I happen to see because of a Facebook memory popping it back up into my… um… face.

    O.o

    Yeah… but, edited it, fixed a few grammar mistakes (yep I make those) and figured I would regale you with the 1000 plus words on my thoughts about “hopeless romantics.”

    Like

  3. Todd, I agree with the “completeness” thing and believing that your “perfect” person will make every day wonderful, and never disappoint or hurt you being wrong—and dangerous, emotionally speaking. To me, love and romance is about thoughtfulness and genuine caring about the other person on a consistent (hopefully daily) basis. And not for forced holidays or anything like it. To me, that is the exact opposite of romance. I want expressions of love that are genuine and spontaneous, not that well-thought-out, planned expressions of love aren’t beautiful, too. They can be IF a person’s heart is in it 🙂

    Anyway, next to love and thoughtfulness, compatibility is key to making a relationship as “perfect” as it can be. And although I enjoy many things about romantic companionship, I never looked for it to “complete” me. If anything, it distracts! lol

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Very well said. My “romantic gestures” tend to be spontaneous because, well, planning isn’t really my forte and I end up being caught in a moment where I am like, “crap, that’s today???” Yeah, I’m bad.

      Liked by 1 person

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