Cows versus Lions

I had a most enlightening conversation just the other day with my uncle. He is an old school North Carolina’n (is that right?) who has a view on the world that is quite eccentric. Over the last 30 plus years he has tried to impart his wisdom to me, which always come in very bite size nuggets. Some of those nuggets are gold, as far as comedy goes. This conversation ranks up there as one of them.

I had just come back from lunch where I had eaten a salad. Ever since my surgery, I have this new fascination with them, and there is just something about a good balsamic or red wine vinaigrette that is just awesome. As I was returning I stopped to have a small conversation with him where I informed him of my eating choice for mid-day.

Cow-Eating-GrassHe looked at me and said, “You ever notice that we feed cows grass to make them fat? All those people out there, eating salad to get skinny, and all this time, cows are getting fat on the stuff.” He smiled his patented ‘screwing with you’ smile.

I looked at him and just wondered where he Lion attack on a buffalo © Ranger Diaries / Brendon Cremer was going with this. He then followed up with a simple, “Ever notice, you can count ever rib on a lion? And what do they eat? That’s right. Meat.”

His story was done.

That’s the way he tells stories.

The morale of his story was simple… want to lose weight, go chase down a grass eating cow and eat it.

At least… that’s what I think he was saying. He laughed while taking another drag off of his cigarette and looked at me while he bent his head to the side.

Then he got this stern look on his face as he pulled the cigarette away. “Ever wonder what causes baldness?”

I looked at him and we both responded in synch, “Hats.”

“That’s right, all those people wearing hats, everyone of them going bald. Makes you think, doesn’t it?”


His laughter began again as he took another toke.

He also has an opinion that diet soda is what is making people fat. Notice all those fat people drinking it? He definitely has a different outlook on the world, one that I really do appreciate, because he chooses to not just accept things for what they are, but instead challenges the perspective of the norm.

“Really, we know it’s not true, but it sure is fun to screw with people, isn’t it?”

I seriously think this is where I get my odd sense of enjoyment when I mess with people.

Gotta love family.



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