The feeling of stuck has somehow absorbed me recently. I look at the screen, type a few words, read what I typed then delete it. This has gone on for at least 4 days now. It’s different than when I am just not happy with what I write. This is something where I just can’t seem to put together my thoughts. The mumble jumble of my brain crying out in fifteen different directions.
Sure, the topics help to at least point me in a direction (granted, as of late, the daily post topics have not really been my forte), but as I start to write, something happens. Maybe its the distracted life I live. Always having to go do this or that. Not having the time to really just shut the world out and concentrate on something for a length of time.
Side note... Funny thing is, this last Sunday, in church, I ended up filling up several pages of notes for a story I am working on while the pastor was teaching. I actually do remember what he was talking about, but for some reason, I had some pretty awesome clarity and used it to jot some notes down on a story I have been stuck on for about 2 months…End side note
It’s in these times that I really just feel like a failure. Unable to write, unable to finish something, unable to do something simple like focus. I start to feel defeated. I start to feel lost. Enter, Mr. Internal Critic. He is just waiting for moments like this. Moments where he can add just the right amount of punch to the situation and knock me into full fledged downward spiral.
He just sits there, waiting. Watching. Like some kind of weird personal stalker. When I type something he says “That’s not good enough. You should delete it.”
Update to today…
Well, the last two days have been somewhat productive. I actually sat and was able to put some of my thoughts down, including the flash story from yesterday (which is based off of the idea that I have for a book I am working on). I’m kind of looking forward to this weekend. Who knows, maybe I will be able to shut off the voice long enough to just write it down (ok, type, whatever) and accept what it is. Still working on just getting it out of my head without judging it. Bad habit, hard to break. Will see.