The Morning Routine


(A secondary title for this was going to be “A Morning with OCD)

I live my life pretty much on the whim. By on the whim I mean that nothing is set in stone and I take things as they come.

Ok, who am I kidding. Man I wish I could be that guy. But nope, I have a pretty set schedule in my head about things. They have to be done a certain way, ordered in a certain manner, and done in a specific fashion. Reality is that those things can happen at any time, but once they are started, it has to be done that way or else I totally forget stuff.

Prime example of a for instance (redundant much?) is my morning routine. It is set. Specific. Every detail coordinated to a specific spot on my “To-Do list”.

  1. Wake up (always a good way to start the process, without this particular portion, the rest is just really thrown off)
  2. Start shower
  3. Brush teeth (do this because I have to wait for the water to get hot..right? No wasted time here)
  4. Get into shower (it’s a helpful part of the ‘getting clean process)
  5. Decide if I am going to shave (this is a matter of.. how much do I love my wife vs. how much I hate shaving)
  6. Get out of shower (important step, really helps with the rest of the process)
  7. Dry off (Wouldn’t recommend skipping this step, it makes putting on clothes very difficult)
  8. Stand in front of mirror and admire my physique (I have a fun house mirror in my bathroom, works wonders on the ego)
  9. Apply hair gel or some other ‘tame the mane’ product (I have poofy hair.. it’s bad)
  10. Deodorant (can’t offend the olfactories of others)
  11. Cologne (again, got to smell good for the masses)
  12. Comb hair (dried hair product without this step makes for a funny look, not one I am ok with)
  13. Get dressed (skipping this can lead to awkward stares and potential arrest)
  14. Decide… sneakers, flip-flops, boots (I keep it to just those three, easier on me that way)
  15. Put on watch and rope bracelet (it’s much more manly than it sounds)
  16. Check weather report on phone (it’s Florida, it’s normally hot.. but.. who knows)
  17. Pocket my phone (if not, I might forget it… then where would I be?)

From this point it becomes a decision as to what I want for breakfast…if I want breakfast, then packing my backpack (and grabbing it, cause, you know.. what’s the point in packing it if I don’t take it), and heading out the door.

Sounds pretty orderly, right? It normally is. Until something distracts me. I can’t count how many times I have walked out of the house to see myself in the window of my truck and realize I totally skipped step 12. This morning I skipped over step 15, the second time this week I have done it.

Usually the distraction comes from one of my cats being too cute to overlook and I just have to pet them with my foot (bending down is reserved for those special moments when I really want to annoy my cats), or when my wife calls to remind me I need to get up and go to work (or some other piece of information she needs to relay to me). Other times, I just get lost in my head in some deep Stephen Hawking styled thought about life the universe and everything (42, by the way)

But… yeah. That’s my routine. In the mornings. If you think this is bad…

You should totally see what I do at night

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