It’s the Cat’s Fault…

Happy-Monday-11It’s Monday again. Which means somewhere along the line there was a weekend I somehow missed.

I hate when that happens.

Ok, I didn’t really miss it, I just don’t really remember it all that well. This happens every Monday though and I’m pretty sure I know why. Every Monday I have to go to work that is. And it starts something like this.

0 hour: Alarm goes off. Hit snooze, roll over and wait til second alarm.

+9 minutes: Second alarm goes off. Snooze….oh, wait, that was the alarm cancel button. Crap. But.. just 5 minutes more and I’ll get up.

+15 minutes: My alarm I set because I know I’ll cancel my other alarm goes off. Snooze.

+17 minutes: Sun is hitting me in the eye through a crack in the curtain. Roll over.

+24 minutes: Alarm goes off again, try to find the snooze button, finally hitting it after the 5th attempt.

+31 minutes: Cat meows at the door to be let in/let out/just because.

+32 minutes: Throw pillow in the general direction of the cat.

+32.3 minutes: Sun is now in my eyes again as the pillow I was using to block it is now being used by the cat as a claw sharpening device.

+33 minutes: Alarm goes off. I angrily try to hit the snooze button, that was so simple to hit when I was dead asleep, 15 times. Finally having had enough, I slide the alarm off and swing my legs from under the covers and over the side of the bed and stand up.

+33.1 minutes: I jump back into the bed as the cat screams out from my foot squishing her tail and my ankle becomes shredded from the razor claws that I keep forgetting to trim.

+33.4 minutes: I leave a trail of blood from my ankle as I walk toward the shower.

+33.6 minutes: In my half-asleep walk, the cat decides this is the best time for her to walk between my feet and plop down right in front of my path. She stares up at me as she rolls on her back.

+33.7 minutes: I rub the cat with my foot, forgetting the pain in my ankle from her previous bifurcation. She immediately reminds me as she gnaws into my toe and digs her claws into my foot.

+33.7 -+41 minutes: I apologize profusely to the cat for having knee-jerked my reaction and kicked her 5 feet away. We make up as she digs her claws into my hand and bites down on my thumb.

+41.1 – +55 minutes: Realizing the time, I hurry through showering, bypass shaving, get dressed, forget to comb my hair, and prepare to walk out the door.

+56 minutes: I look at myself in the mirror. Crap. Hair.

+57 minutes: Hair combed, deodorant applied and zipper zipped, I decide there is not time for breakfast, so it’s a donut today.

+58 minutes: I chant an old saying that my friend BJ once said as I do a final check before walking out the door, “Testicles, spectacles, wallet, and watch.” Check

+1:26 minutes: Arrive at work, sit down, sip coffee and wonder, “Wasn’t there a weekend I somehow missed?”

And thus, Monday. I know I had a weekend. I know it was filled with stuff because… um, it was and I think I was there? But for the life of me, I can’t remember any of it. Granted, I blame the cat for everything considering the massive amount of blood loss I have suffered from her.(but mainly because, as of yet, the cat can’t read this blog… yet).


*No cats were harmed in the making of this blog…


3 thoughts on “It’s the Cat’s Fault…

  1. One of my cats continually tries to trip me going up and down the stairs. Probably with the hope that I’ll whack my head and wake up thinking it’s feeding time, again.

    I take solace in knowing that they somehow neutered him without taking his cojones and I one day kick him in the nuts if I so choose!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. “Testicles, spectacles, wallet, and watch.” Ha ha. Mine is, purse, phone, sunglasses and water. Otherwise, I can’t leave! Oh, and the blood on the way to shower. This is serious stuff. Very funny.

    Liked by 1 person

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