2 of 25…

Our First Month

There is one thing to be said about being a virgin when you get married. Unlike what the most of my friends professed about how their wives changed after marriage, my sex life actually increased. Weird, right? I won’t go into detail or tell tales that would make my mother blush (trust me, if you knew her, you would know how difficult that actually was), instead, I will just say, that first month was awesome. We found a place, she moved up with me, I learned I enjoyed going to sleep with her and waking up next to her, how I could nuzzle up next to her and smell her hair as we fell asleep. It was just like all those romantic fairy tales, everything was perfect. Mostly.

Our Second Month And Beyond….

Bliss. Euphoria. Rapture. Gloriousness. All words that I would NOT use to describe the rest of that first year of marriage (f I were to remember it as it truly was). It was more akin to using a sandblaster to soothe a sunburn. Somewhere in that second month, the newness of our marriage wore off, bills started coming in, the constancy of her always being there became a stark realization, and figuring out that we were so drastically different that I couldn’t even imagine why I wanted to marry her in the first place… fine, it was the sex.

All that lead me to the point where I woke up looking forward to going to work, or counted down the days until I was on duty or the ship went out for a few days. No, it wasn’t horrible, but what I thought was going to be the bedrock of our relationship turned out to be something we differed severely on. And unless you live under a rock, I’m talking about sex. That first month, it was like training for the Olympics. But somewhere in that second month, it all started to change. It dwindled as the routine of life became routine.

Did I love her. As long as we were having sex, sure. Did I care for her. Of course, isn’t that how you make sure you have sex? Did I value her? Of course I did. How silly of a question is that? Didn’t you see all those comments about sex I already made?

By the way, are you picking up on what the problem might have been, yet? In case you haven’t, it was my over-expectation of what a wife was suppose to be in one particular area.

By the time Christmas came around, our once hot and passionate marriage had flickered down to a quickly dying smolder. And I didn’t have a clue as to why my wife, the woman whom I married in order to have all those ‘wifely things’ met for me, was so cold and distant and unsexual.

Divorce was never mentioned, as a matter of fact, it is never a word we have uttered in our marriage, but it was heavily contemplated on both sides. By me, because of all those reasons I mentioned, and by her because of… well, all those reasons I mentioned. I was the over-sexualized ogre and she was the chastity belt wearing princess. And things were just getting worse.

In our ignorance, we turned to the only thing we both knew. God. We held to our vows that we made, independent of the others knowledge, and tried to figure out on our own what was wrong. Is this what marriage is supposed to be? Together, in misery? I think somewhere along the lines, we both resigned ourselves to this thought and just suffered on in silence, with the occasional boisterous and volatile argument (about once every two months or so).

And then…

She got pregnant. Talk about adding oil to boiling water. She was excited, I was.. atypical male. It was something to focus on other than each other. In a weird way, it brought us together, giving us a common ground. Until she had a miscarriage. It was devastating. To her. To me, it wasn’t so much. I never could wrap my brain around the emotions of her losing our first child. I tried. Seriously tried. But, I just couldn’t.

Somehow, though, that whole ordeal brought us together. Suffering creates a bonding like no other. Not that I would recommend it as a way to get over your issues. It didn’t happen overnight. No, that would have been too easy. But over a few months, we connected again, and before we hit our one year anniversary, we were pregnant again.

Just in time for me to deploy to the Persian Gulf in support of Desert Storm.

Woo Hoo!


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