19 of 25…


Ok, so… I’m kind of on a ‘children’ oriented bend today. Maybe I’m missing my kids, maybe I’m running short of time and need to make sure I meet my mark, maybe I just really like writing funny stories at the cost of those two offspring that have brought me so much joy in my life (read that last part through gritted teeth (both ways work)).

Whatever the reason (I’ll never telllllll…..), this one piece of advice is one of the most important pieces of advice I can give to any parent, as it is a tried, true and honorary tradition amongst those whom have the privilege of raising offspring.

Annoy your children

I don’t care whether you are newly wed or nearly dead, whether you have one, two, or a dozen, biological or adopted, this particular facet of marriage is by far and away the most fun you can have together (well…)

If you are new to this (or are just sitting there thinking I’m a horrible person (I am, it’s ok)), let me give you a few ideas as to how you can annoy them:

  1. Hug and kiss your spouse, a lot, in front of them. This isn’t just fun (from the ‘eww, gross’ to the ‘come on, get a room’ comments), but has the added bonus of ensuring they leave you and your spouse alone when you want some ‘marriage time’.
  2. Take embarrassing photos when they are younger that you can pull out later on in life and blackmail them with. In their teen years, you will need all the ammunition you can get.
  3. Kiss them when their friends are around, and just for added fun, throw in a few really loud, “I love you!”s just for flair.
  4. Go to their concerts, games, or events and yell their names really loud while whooping and hollering. If you dress up or hold up signs with their names on it, added bonus points.
  5. Have their friends over and talk with them. Make that a priority. After all, what better way to break out those baby books and embarrass them en masse.
  6. Join every social media outlet they are on, follow them, then make weird, funny, or just plain strange comments on their posts. They will totally love you for this.
  7. When out with them, take their hand in yours, and skip. Yeah, nobody skips enough anymore.
  8. When they come home, yell out “Wait a second!”, then say loud enough for them to hear, “Where are my pants?” (obviously for the older kids)
  9. For the dad’s…. get a copy of same really bad dad jokes and tell them to their friends when they all come over (see #5 above).

This list could go on and on… but I think you get the idea. For those of you who are still not convinced that this is a great idea (what’s wrong with you??), let me give you a few reasons why it is:

  1. They are your kids… why not?
  2. See number 1 above.
  3. Still not convinced? Did you read number 1 above again?
  4. Ok, fine… I’ll give you real reasons:
    1. You love them, and what better way to show that then being involved in their lives (and you might as well get some joy from it too, right?)
    2. Embarrassment is a great equalizer. If you are willing to embarrass yourself for them… think about it.
    3. It’s fun. So, so, so much fun.
    4. It’s worked for me (sure, that’s not definitive, but at least you have one testimony)
    5. It makes you a real person. As kids, parents tend to be so unreachable because we are viewed as authority figures, this just helps them with that.
    6. Um… oh… seriously.. number 1 above.

So, there you have it. Sure, this seems less like “The Story of Us“, and more like Parenting 101, but the reality of most marriages is that parenting is just as much a part of marriage as the marriage itself is.

At least in the way I see things.

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