(Alternate Title: My SW:TFA review... because the world doesn't have enough of them already)
I saw Star Wars: The Force Awakens.
It was the Sunday after the movie came out. I know, I know… me… a dyed in the Wookie Star Wars fan, waited 4 days before going to the new movie… but come one, those last three abominations that came out scarred me. They scarred me deep… I’m looking at you, George…
I’m looking at you, George…
Anyway, back to this new one…
I didn’t hate it. I kind of actually liked it. I even made a few comments to my wife during the movie about some of the throwback scenes that felt like great nods (more like grand salutes) to the original movies.
I also made a few comments to her during
the movie about things that really, really annoyed me. In response to all the annoyed moments I was having and being vocal about, she, in turn, looked at me several times with this look…
I interpreted it as “Yes, please continue to tell me of all the discrepancies you feel the need to point out in order to ruin this movie for me” but was more likely a death stare to encourage me to shut up.
I get those two looks confused all the time.
So, here it is, my not so complete review (because, come on, it’s me, there can always be more added later…)
You have been warned
I enjoyed it. It had a lot of fun too it. I especially liked Finn. Probably my favorite character in the movie, truth be told. And I enjoyed how they played him off of Rey. There’s a romance, but nothing so overt that it’s all about that. No, it’s subtle, and adds a layer to him that juxtaposed nicely against the lack that Rey had. As I said before, I also enjoyed the nods to the originals, which gave the movie a visual connection to those of use who grew up with them. Lastly, I think the new characters are similar enough to the old that they seem familiar, but different enough that it feels very new. Obviously Han plays the part of Obi-Wan in this movie (death by light saber and all), Rey is the new Luke, Finn is the new Han, and Po is Leia… Or is he suppose to be Luke, and Finn is Leia and Rey is Chewbacca? No, Chewie is Chewie..
And the Millineum Falcon!
Which brings us to…
Everything about Ren… Seriously, did he take an acting page from Christian Hayden and just go with the whole whiny dark side bit. Sure, he’s fighting the light side inside of him, he is all conflicted and gothy and emo… But come one guys, is the only thing the Dark Side seem to be good at is producing pansies? What happened to creating fear and dread just by having a character walk on screen? Anyone remember the first time you saw Darth Vader. That was epic, only to be ruined in the prequels because he was all Twilight and Edward-y. The only thing they didn’t do wrong with him was keep his identity a secret.
I could expose a lot on most of what follows, and maybe I will (late) but for brevity sake (too late), I am just going to give you a list (and maybe add some explanation…maybe).
- How does someone live on a planet, know that the Millenium Falcon did the Kessel run in 14 parsecs (12), and yet, not recognize it . (Ok,this one is weak, but still.. It is the Millenium freaking Falcon!)
- Since when did blaster’s make people bleed? (I credit my son with this thought (side one: his name is Ben too))
- Why did Finn need to make that expository remark about how awesome that particular X-Wing pilot was, didn’t we just see how awesome he was when he blew up 7 TIE fighters in like 5 seconds? Oh, wait, we’re stupid.
- The First Order somehow made a StormTrooper specific to fighting light sabers, even though the only known force user was on their side? Ok, so maybe it was to fight Luke, but why would they send one down to the Maz? Talk about taking a knife to a gun fight.
- Darth Snape really got annoying.
- General Weasley’s Hitler moment seemed way too forced.
- Emperor Valdermort/Golem seemed a bit too much of a throwback
- What’s with all the Harry Potter references????
- What was the whole purpose of Phasma? Sure, she is going to have a bigger part in the next movie… So, what, she is going to have like 4 lines?
- How does the entire galaxy know about the two fugitives and the droid within moments (hours maybe?) of their escape?
- So… Po just happens to show back up? After he escaped the TIE fighter and didn’t search for BB-8, and somehow got off a backwater planet that the First Order just glassed… Can someone say Deus Machina.. I knew you could.
- How come Finn could see the jacket in the downed TIE fighter, but couldn’t spot Po (or the lack of him) in the cockpit? What, was it channeling it’s inner TARDIS or something?
- How come Finn, a previous janitor turned Storm Trooper (failed) turned coward suddenly be able to hold his own with a light saber against a Storm Trooper who is trained to fight (speculatively) against them?
- Where was Lando?
And for my biggest annoyance of the movie…
Why, after Han is killed and the heroes return to the Republic (rebel) base, Chewie, Han’s lifelong friend, walks right passed Leia and instead of counseling the wife (?) of his best friend, allows Rey to walk over and hug her…
<insert screeching record here>
Come on man! Chewie has a Life Debt to Han and his family (which by the way, would include Ben/Ren) so shouldn’t he be the one taking care of the grieving (because you know, that whole… I felt millions of voices crying out and then suddenly silenced.. moment that we saw her have as Han fell down the elevator shaft (serioulsy? That’s how you dispose of the body of the greatest Star Wars character ever? (or is he dead? (Soap opera ending anyone??? (how many paranthetical entries is that now? (4.. now 5)))))… where were we.. oh.. taking care of the grieving wife (?) and not some girl they all just met?
And I don’t think Rey is their daughter, because that would just be evil wicked of Leia to keep that secret from Han (cause he didn’t know, obviously). So, neice? Or is she Obi-Wan’s granddaughter (that’s a new specualtion that I thought was kind of cool)…
Anyway, it doesn’t matter because that moment is ruined. Thanks JJ. You made Chewie look like a… a… not nice word.
So, anyway… that’s my review… ish.
Even with all of those things I had a problem with, and given that some of them might be there to open up story lines in the next movies, I give the movie a solid 4 out of 5 stars.
Oh, and Phasma is a clone of Luke. If you are asking how, they used his hand… you know, the one that was holding the light saber that convientently shows up in Maz’s cantina. Yeah… chew on that one for a while.
The trolls are going to love me….