Category Archives: Funny

WHAT YOU DON’T KNOW UNTIL YOU HAVE KIDS

WHAT YOU DON’T KNOW UNTIL YOU HAVE KIDS

~ How many seconds it takes to microwave four fish slicks perfectly.

~ Who John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt is.

~ How to change a diaper in the dark, in a parked car, on a standing child, and all of the above simultaneously.

~ Which lines of “The Cat in the Hat” and “If I Ran the Circus” can be skipped over without a child noticing.

~ How bright a 3 a.m. full moon is.

~ The design marvels of hooded towels, Velcro-strap shoes, and mitten clips.

~ Locations of public restrooms all across town.

~ Why anyone would bother retracing their steps for miles just to retrieve a lost blankie.

~ The fine art of vacuuming a floor with out hosing up a Barbie shoe or a Playmobil cannonball.

~ How little sleep a human body truly needs to function.

~ Almost every Disney lyric ever penned.

~ How to spell amoxicillin, let alone say it.

~ That reverse psychology really works.

~ Why they call them Happy Meals.

~ The blessedness of naps.

~ How much you can love one human being.

From Mikey's Funnies [forwarded by Gretchen Patti]

The Secret Present

Secret Santa, Secret Santa, bring me my gift.

Make it so heavy that it’s hard to lift,

Wrap it in paper, stick it with a bow,secret-santa-gifts

Under the tree is where it should go.

On Christmas day, I’ll grab it up quick,

And tear open the package with just a flick,

Revealing the gift that’s hidden inside,

“Just what I wanted!” knowing I lied.

And just remember this part, don’t forget,

We all agreed on a boundary, preset,

You can’t spend more than the ten-dollar limit,

Ok, fine, spend twenty, just never admit.

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