Category Archives: Funny

Looking Around the House

Christmas time is hear again,

And holiday cheer fills the air.

Christmas Eve Sarajevo by TSO

Plays on my Pandora station.

Stockings hung on the bookshelf

With names turned out but one,

Ornaments cracked and shattered,

While the tree lies on the floor,

Thanks to the cats.


In the Now

I am not a strategic man. Planning causes me no end of frustration. I do not like the finer points of working things out and figuring out the best way to utilize my resources. It’s arduous, it’s frustrating, and it just too slow. On top of that, there are always deadlines.

Seriously, who came up with that concept… and that name? Could it be more ominous?


Why not just call it something a bit less sinister, like, oh, I don’t know… Murder spot. Continue reading In the Now

I have been writing since I was in elementary school. I mean, the creative kind, not the other. I have obviously been writing since before kindergarten… well, maybe not so obvious.. and look.. a bunny trail right off the bat. (I can already hear my wife saying “Focus”) Ok, so.. as I was saying.. writing, elementary, creative.. ok.. back on track.

In that time frame I have had hundreds of stories that I have wanted to write. Ideas so grand that they would have been spectacular to read. If… I could only get them out of my head. There are times when I come across a story and I look at my wife and say, “That was my story from 20 years ago.” or I see someone with a name that I created when I was a teenager and I tell her, “I made that name.”

Everytime I do, she has the same response. She looks at me lovingly, sorrow filling her eyes, sympathy spreading from her heart out towards me as she embraces me in a loving hug and pats my head and strokes my hair and tells me, “You should have written the story then.”

Ok, none of that is true, except for that last part. She totally just drives that nail straight into my heart and, personally, I think she enjoys it a bit too much. I married a sadistic woman… but everyone that knows her will think I am lying because she is the nicest person any of them have ever met (or close enough that it’s just a matter of semantics).

I’m not really sure what it is that stops me. Sometimes I get bored with the story because I completed it in my head, sometimes I don’t think I’m good enough, sometimes I let every distraction get in my way, and sometimes procrastination is way too comfortable.

Then there is this blog. A source of enjoyment because I can complete something. Creating in itself a sense of accomplishment that I am truly writing and finishing something, even though it is more akin to eating cake then a proper meal. It’s the sugar rush without the content. It is an interesting conundrum.

Excuse me while I go bang my head on the desk…

Ok… now that I am done self deprecating, I do have several stories I am working out. One in particular has hit an interesting snag with the plot and I have slowly been working it out. Another has an enemy issue. Then there is the one that is a trilogy that just seems daunting every time I even think about it.

I really should just start writing them. Just get it out of my head, blow through the excuses, and do it.

At least that way I wouldn’t have to hear my wife say “You should have written the story then.”



Putting it Off…

There’s work to be done,

I’m very sure of that,

As I take off my coat and hang up my hat.

I sit at my desk,

I straighten my tie,

I stare at the screen and ask myself ‘Why?’

Why did I put it off,

Adding more for today?

Procrastination always gets in the way.

I don’t think I’ll finish,

Or meet my deadlines,

The boss will surely yell, the blame is all mine.

I hang my head low,

Put my palms to my face,

And pray a silent prayer and beg for some grace.

Taking a deep breath,

And holding it in.

I grab hold of my work and just… dive in.

Too Many Pills…

Sometimes, I feel that doctor’s got a cue from Monty Hall when it comes to prescriptions, and there are days where I walk into the office and feel like I just walked onto the set of “Let’s Take A Pill”. I’m not really sure if this is insurance driven, the pharmacology companies pushing more medication or if the doctors really think that this form of treatment is the answer to solve all that ails me.

Then, as a good patient, we start taking our pills, swallowing down whatever it is that they told us is going to fix the problem, only to have to end up taking others in order to counteract the side effects of the ones we are taking, which then cause us other issues and.. well, you get the idea.

For instance… I am currently taking a diabetes medication, a cholesterol medication and a blood pressure medication. My blood sugar is about where it was 20 years ago, elevated but if those numbers changed a wee bit (less than a percent) I would be outside the scope (and by the way, that has actually happened in the past). My cholesterol is a bit high.. ok, in days gone by I liked my hamburgers, pizza and other fun (read…unhealthy) food. So that one, sure. Got it.

Then there is the blood pressure medicine. My blood pressure is fine, like spot on fine. 120/80 kind of spot on. Hasn’t changed in so long I can tell the nurse taking my pressure exactly what it’s going to be (plus or minus 3 points). So, why am I taking this? Because one of the other pills I am taking has a chance to raise another number that is slightly elevated (but normal) and he is concerned that it could cause me problems.


I’m like… what?

Then there is the scenario about my shoulder. It hurts. Like bad enough I actually went to the doctor to tell him it hurt and it wasn’t even falling off (Yep, one of ‘those’ guys). I get an MRI done, I get my evaluation. The doc says, “It’s an impingement caused by a bone spur.” Great I think, hoping this doesn’t mean surgery, but before I could say anything, he finishes with, “We won’t be doing surgery because we can’t see the bone spur. So, instead, I’m going to give you a cortisone shot and schedule you for physical therapy.”


So, there I am, sitting on the paper covered table with him looking at me in all seriousness, telling me that an MRI couldn’t see the bone spur, but this invisible bone spur was what was causing my issue and his answer is to inject me with something and send me away.

I’m not a huge fan of needles, and I have heard enough about this cortisone that I am really not for it. However, my wife is in the room with me and she is all like.. “Yeah, lets do that. That sounds like a plan.”, and in my head I am shooting daggers at her, which by some odd coincidence happened to be about the size of the needle that this doctor ended up sticking me in the shoulder with.

Guess what?

The cortisone shot hasn’t done anything for me. Big win Mr. Doctor, sir. Plus, you know… more daggers.

Now, I like my primary doctor. He is funny, a nice guy, listens to me and tries to calm my over active hypochondriacal ways. Plus, he is a reservist, so bonus points there. All I’m saying is.. instead of taking a chill pill, can we just chill with the pill?

Seriously, he couldn’t see the bone spur…