Category Archives: Funny

Happy Thanksgiving

THE NIGHT BEFORE THANKSGIVING

Tis the night before Thanksgiving and all through our house
No turkey is baking; I feel like a louse,
For I am all nestled, so snug in my bed;
I’m not gettin’ up and I’m not bakin’ bread.
No pies in my oven, no cranberry sauce
Cuz I give the orders, and I am the boss.
When out in the kitchen, there arose such a clatter
I almost got up to see what was the matter.
As I drew in my head and was tossing around
To the bed came my husband, he grimaced, he frowned.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
He scared me to death and I thought, “Here he goes!”
He spoke not a word as he threw back my quilt
And the look that he gave was intended to wilt.
So up to the ceiling my pillows he threw
I knew I had had it, his face had turned blue.
“You prancer, you dodger, you’re lazy, you vixen
Out yonder in kitchen, Thanksgiving you’re fixin.”
But he heard me explain, with my face in a pout:
“I’m just plain too tired and we’re eating out!”

From my buddy over at Mikey’s Funnies, well worth the look to see what else he does.

I love to cook. That being said, I don’t. At least not very often.

Part of the reason is that even in cooking simple macaroni and cheese, a process that should take any ordinary person 20 minutes, ends up taking me close to an hour. Why? Cause, well, I’m not ordinary.

But here is the process that tends to take place, and for length and time, I will leave the steps to just making the aforementioned mac&cheese.. and as this is for posterity sake, I’ll be honest. Continue reading Mac and Cheese in 42 Easy Steps.

Help?

Asking for help?help

Who does that?

Not this guy, that’s who… and usually I am the worse for it.

My pride, male ego and just the general “I can do it!” attitude step right in the way when I realize I am in way over my head, keeping me from reaching out to someone. As such, let’s take a deeper look into what those three reasons actually mean… and why they have such a grip on me and, for the most part, all other men. Continue reading Help?

Dogs and Cats (Men and Women)

I read a very funny blog today by Kim Scaravelli over at Stuff my dog taught me and it got me to thinking about some things I have thought for a very long time. Granted, in truth, I think this goes back to my days as a kid when I thought cats were the girls and dogs were the boys of the species (look, I never claimed to be normal… ever).

While I agree that men could use all the help in the world when it comes to understanding the greatest mystery ever presented to us, I have to confess that I don’t think it would be so simple to understand women just by observing the inclinations of a canine, because, well, in a nutshell, we already are dogs.

Yep, I said it. Every one of us. It’s simple really…

  • We sit around all day
  • Howl at anything that remotely catches our attention
  • Eat anything we can get our hands on
  • Make loud boisterous claims
  • Wag our tails waiting for someone to acknowledge our accomplishments.

So, how, as a woman do you deal with a this? Just like you do a dog.

  • Feed us
  • Love us
  • Give us attention (winky winky)
  • Tell us we are good boys
  • Let us go out to play with the other dogs from time to time

And wallah.. happy man. Well, mostly.

Then you have women. I admit I am no expert on them, by far I am not even a novice understander of the wiles that would be feminine (and I have been married over 24 years and have a 20 year old daughter… and a daughter in law). As I see it, if men are the dogs of the human population, that leaves women to be the cats, and I think (at least in my perspective) that  this shoe fits, Cinderella.

  • They prim… a lot
  • They are indecisive about almost everything (I want in the door, I want out the door, in.. out.. in… ARGHHH)
  • They want your attention, but only when they want, how they want, and how much.. and they won’t tell you what that is
  • They are never wrong (nope, the dog did it, always)
  • You must notice them or else they will make their presence known
  • You can not be on the computer without them coming over and sitting across the keyboard (ok, this one may not be a bad thing)
  • They are finicky
  • They will let you know they are angry with you… very loudly.. with lots of hissing
  • They cry for no reason (at least none that we men (or dogs) have ever figured out)
  • They will sit in your lap.. on their terms
  • They are incredibly independant

I could go on, but Prudence says I should stop (Prudence is what I named the better part of my wisdom, she’s a nice lady). Even though I recognize that I will most likely be sleeping in the doghouse for a while and that the mass majority of my followers who are women are already planning how to gouge my eyes out (another cat quality, fyi), that is if they are still following me… but sometimes.. a dog just has to howl regardless of the consequences.

Thanks to Kim for the inspiration for this post, please don’t hunt me down and kill me.

K?

Thanks.

 

pingback

(why I include a pingback to the daily post is because I consider this pushing the envelope because.. seriously.. I’m pretty sure I just pushed it as far as I can….)

That One Christmas…

The family had gathered for Christmas at grandma’s house. It had been our tradition for as long as i could remember. Those from the north would come down and my family, from the south, would drive up. Meeting in the middle. I would say the reason we met there was because it was convenient for everyone, but in my childhood memories I blame it on the fact that my grandmother cooked, and even though I am sure she could do that anywhere, there must have been something magical about her kitchen because everything created there was beyond delicious. Continue reading That One Christmas…