The Last Breath

It was just after 11am as I recall. I had been at work when I got the message. Walking back onto the grounds of the same hospice I had been at only 6 years earlier when I watched my brother pass away was a task of Herculean effort as every memory from that month flooded back into my brain like a lightning bolt crashing into the ground. This time, however, it was for my father-in-law. Not easier, just different.

I walked past the screened-in patio where I spent many nights with my family during the last days of my brother’s life. The only reprieve I had in the storm of emotions that was ripping through me was that I did not have to go into that particular building. So, I passed by, glimpsing over one last time as I walked into the building opposite, crossed the family room and walked into the room where my father-in-law was.

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The First

Passion.

Smoldering.

That tingling feeling.

The anticipation mixed with excitement wrestling just below the surface.

Second after painful second, the moment nears.

The smell of her perfume fills me.

Our faces close.

My heart races.

Our eyes lock.

Our lips touch.

Finally.

The Glance

She stared at him from across the room. He was busy talking to another guy about something, his speech so animated as his hands flew around while he spoke. She could just imagine what deep, intellectual conversation he must be having. The smile on his lips and the crinkle in his face giving away his enthusiasm for the topic. She couldn’t help but feel a rush in her pulse as she lingered along his long lines. The jeans he wore fit nicely enough. Faded. Torn and threadbare in just the right places. His left hand stuffed into his pocket, the silver watch on his wrist glinting the light from the room off its metallic surface. His button front shirt with its taupe brown color a perfect complement to the cowboy boots he wore.

She quickly looked away as his head turned in her direction, hoping he didn’t catch her looking at him. Her breath caught in her chest.

The Last Moment

The loud thud of the motion marked the passage of time.

The minute hand moved one step closer.

I didn’t want this to end.

Another minute gone.

My breathing slowed.

The seconds ticked.

My heart raced.

Everything now

and yet…

Nothing.

Goodbye.

Once said…

I sunk my eyes down from her gaze. “That’s not what I meant to say.” I said as sheepishly as I could.

“Oh? Really? It sure sounded like that is exactly what you meant.” Her voice oozing with venom.

“I just meant… I mean… that’s not what I meant… it’s just…” I looked up at her, trying my best to give her a smile to disarm her. “I love you?” I said as I curled my lip up on the right side, hoping that my boyish grin and charm would disarm this horrible mess.