They say the pen is mightier than the sword…
Until you try to stab someone with a pen.
Because that’s a lot harder than you might think.
Tag Archives: Funny
How I Spent My Saturday Night…
I woke up. I went downtown to get myself a job…
Wait… that’s not my story at all. But for those few who get that reference…
Thank you.
(Yep, totally said it in her voice too)
Anywho… back to MY Saturday night… a little secret here. I like to color. Yep, I’m in my mid 40’s and I still like coloring. Anyone who has followed this blog for a while probably already knows this. But this last Saturday night, after a long night of conversation (counseling if you will), I needed to kick back and relax (at midnight… so I guess technically, it would have been Sunday, but… eh, who’s keeping track).
So I pulled out my brand new (I bought it two weeks ago) coloring book… correction… GIANT coloring book (this thing is huge) and flipped to the first empty page.
For this one, I wanted to use my crayons. I don’t know why, but the feeling of a crayon in my hand versus the colored pencil was just something I was craving. So I turned on whatever episode of “Community” I was currently rewatching…
And began to color away. 45 minutes and two episodes later, I laid down several severely nubbed crayons (I’m not the only one who hates nubbed crayons am I?) and colored myself done.
So, there you have it. The slightly less than interesting adventures of a middle-aged guy’s Saturday (or Sunday… whatever) night.
So, what did you do interesting this weekend? Please tell me, let me live at least semi-vicariously through your actions… please….
A Little Steven Wright…
It’s the Friday before a three-day weekend! What better way to start that off than with some humor? My dad sent me this email a while back (so apologies if some of these are not accurate) and I thought, hey, why not post it for everyone to enjoy. If you have never seen Steven Wright, well, you have missed out on his deadpan monotone humor (which I absolutely love). Let everyone know which was your favorite in the comments, mine just happens to be 1 through 35… So without further ado…
The Quotes of Steven Wright:
Summer A…
Or should that be…
Summer, eh?
No… this is college. College needs be taken seriously. Yes? Now, straighten up. Better. Continue.
Ok, fine. Hrmphf.
So, Summer A starts today. For those who don’t know, in college, they split the summer semester up into to two 42 day chunks and push an entire 3 credit class into it. Basically, it’s the college equivalent of loading a clown car for the show…
…because they have to get in all that stuff you normally do in 16 weeks and squeeze it down to just 6. I don’t know about you, but in my book, that’s dwarf star level of compression type stuff. Continue reading Summer A…
Corporate Structure…
It’s Monday. The start of the work week. We all need a good laugh (because, you know, it’s kind of true).
CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD:
Leaps tall building in a single bound
Is more powerful than a locomotive
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water
Discusses policy with God
PRESIDENT:
Leaps short buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a switch engine
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
Walks on water if the sea is calm
Talks with God
EXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENT:
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds.
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
Is faster than a speeding BB.
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
Talks with God if special request is approved
VICE PRESIDENT:
Barely clears a Quonset hut
Loses tug-of-war with a locomotive
Can fire a speeding bullet
Swims well
Is occasionally addressed by God
GENERAL MANAGER:
Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings
Is run over by locomotive
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
Dog paddles
Talks to animals
MANAGER:
Runs into buildings
Recognizes locomotive two out of three times
Is not issued ammunition
Can’t stay afloat with a life preserver
Talks to walls
TRAINEE:
Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter building
Says “look at the choo-choo”
Wets him/herself with a water pistol
Plays in mud puddles
Mumbles to him/herself
SECRETARY:
Lifts buildings and walks under them
Kicks locomotives off the tracks
Catches speeding bullets in his/her teeth
Freezes water with a single glance
Is the closest being to God
From Mikey’s Funnies
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