Sometimes, you just have to share the (Mikey’s) Funnies….
What do farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day?
A hog and kisses!
Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?
It was Valenswine’s Day! Continue reading CORN(y) ALERT!
Valentine’s Day is upon us… again. And for all my “Forever-Alone’s*” out there, this one is for you. John Kovalic (I let you figure out how to pronounce that one) nails it on the head with this one.
Check out more Dork Tower
If you have ever wondered why I love writing so much (which I am sure many of my adoring fans have curiously pondered (like, all three of you)), it is because of the ability to really mess with language in a manner that leaves people scratching their proverbial heads.
What do I mean? Well, honestly, when was the last time you used the word ‘proverbial‘ in an actual spoken sentence? Hrm?
Exactly. But you didn’t even bat an eyelash (that still seems like it would hurt.. bat.. eyelash… yeah, no thanks) when you read it in the sentence above. Did you? Yes, I wrote it up there, go ahead, look, we will wait.
Ok, back? Told you so. Continue reading That English Language…
Kids are special, teenagers are even more so.
Enjoy Jeff Allen’s take on the topic.
20 WAYS TO CONFUSE SANTA CLAUS
1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
2. While he’s in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.
3. Leave him a note explaining that you’ve gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.
4. While he’s in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.
5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!
6. Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs that say “We hate Christmas” and “Go away Santa.”
7. Leave a note by the telephone telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home.
8. Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney. Refuse to let him leave until that huge cake arrives.
9. While he’s in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn’t have missed that last payment, and take off.
10. Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out with a note that says, “For The Tooth Fairy. :)” Leave another plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that says, “For Santa. :(”
11. Take everything out of your house as if it’s just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, “Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime.”
12. Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections.
13. While he’s in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire.
14. Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa’s sure to see them. Go outside, yell, “Ooh! Look! A deer! And he’s got a red nose!” and fire a gun.
15. Leave Santa a note explaining that you’ve moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.
16. Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney. Wait for Santa to get caught in it, and then explain that you’re sorry, but from a distance, he looked like a bear.
17. Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning bill.
18. Paint “hoof-prints” all over your face and clothes. While he’s in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you’ve been “trampled.” Threaten to sue.
19. Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs.
20. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, “This neighborhood ain’t big enough for the both of us.”
From Mikey’s Funnies