Not Dead Yet…

I’ve been absent. Probably not noticeably so. I’d like to think my voice has been missed by those who follow me, but I’m not so high on my own horse to believe that.

It’s been at least a month since I have posted anything, and quite a while since I have been doing any kind of regular… anything. Even over on my other site.

But, as a way of excuse, the summer semester just drained me. A literature class and a creative writing prereq class, crammed into 6-weeks each, are enough to cause any gray matter to liquefy fairly quickly.  In that time frame, I read so many stories and different critique styles. I read Stephen King’s On Writing (a book I highly recommend if nothing more than for reading a memoir (of sorts)), and also was introduced to Joyce Carol Oates (of who’s book, Sourland, I read (or portions of it).

I also went away for vacation to Tennessee. A family vacation.

Oh, and I got A’s.

Which, come on, is really all that matters. Right?

I’m thinking I should probably write some of this stuff into its own posts. Maybe a book review or two, a vacation post with photos, and other stuff.

/shrug

Oh, and my brain finally started to solidify, finally.

Just in time to start Fall semester and the four classes I am currently taking.

Mental masochism, for the win!

 

 

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Last Moments…

 

The nurse looked at me as I sat on the side of the bed, her eyes compassionate. “Do you want to take off the necklace, or would you like me to?”

Her voice registered in my ears, but it took a few moments for the words to sink in.

I stared at my younger brother’s body, lifeless and gray. It had been less than five minutes since they pronounced him, and still, I had not quite wrapped my brain around the fact that he was gone, even though the proof lay right in front of me.

It’s Finally Over…

Deep breath out…

It’s over.

With all the pain and torment that has gone into this relationship, all the joys and emotions in the pursuit of making sure everything was on track, the countless hours I have invested into it…

For the last 25 years, I may not have done it right, I may have allowed other things to get in the way, I may even have neglected it for way too long, but for the last few years, I have poured so much into it, that I have even forsaken my video games.

But, as of this morning, it is finally over.

A chapter in my life that has taken the better part of 25 years has come to a close and I can cry out in my best imitation of Mel Gibson imitating William Wallace…

I am not that mysterious. I am not even sure if I would know how to be if it was a required thing. If anything, most would say I tend to over share, especially in areas that make most uncomfortable. I like to think that I am an open book, but the truth be told, I only really share a dust cover aspect to who I am.

There are those that would say that it is because I am brash, tactless, or uncouth. Some would say it is because I just don’t have a filter when it comes to certain things. And still others would say that there is something seriously wrong with me or that I am just simply weird.

Can I let you in on a dirty little secret?

Paused.

I feel like I lived my life on pause for a long time.

I was 18 when I decided I had to get away. Dropped out of high school. Joined the Navy. Went on a 6 month cruise that ended with me being in the Med when Kuwait was invaded. Got married. Started a family. Tried to do the college thing, but priorities got mixed up.

Somewhere in all that, I lost my desire to write. I lost my desire to dream. I got stuck.