Taglines. I have used many. ‘Thoughts from the front’, ‘luniacal ramblings of a sane mind’, ‘weird is as weird does’, ‘or… something like that’.. just to name a few. Name? Say? Phrase? I don’t know.. whatever. Oh, look there’s another. Whatever.
Most of those are self-serving, or a way to present myself to the world in order to keep them at bay, safely away from what truly lies behind the mask. Very akin to the wizard in Oz, tucked back behind the curtain.
It’s about to get really raw….
I tend to keep people at a distance. It’s safer that way. At least it is when it comes to my rejection issues. Compound that problem with my overactive people pleasing personality (A is for alliteration!) and you have a recipe for disaster. See, I tend to put myself out there, willing to help when people ask, willing to bend over backwards to make others happy, and in the end, I’m left wondering why I even try, as the results of all of that just leave me feeling used and abused (author’s note: I edited that last sentence to remove a few choice words).
Truth is, my darker poetry and storylines tend to be a truer reflection of my inner self than I really care to admit. That little kid stuck in the corner, wondering why no matter how much I try, how much I do, how much change… it’s never good enough.
Recently, some of that has changed. Probably not for the better. My daughter told me of a recent conversation she and my son have had in which they have agreed that I am becoming a cynic. She said I have made some comments (loud ones apparently) that have caused the two of them to be concerned.
I’m not so sure that’s a bad thing. I have lived a large portion of my life in service to others, and quite honestly, I’m tired of feeling like a tool. That’s not my fault, I get that. It is most definitely the fault of those who take advantage of my good nature. But, I’m tired of it. So very tired. I just want to walk up to those people and be like.. you suck. Hard.
Ok, I really want to say a bunch of other words, but something stops me. Call it the fact that I don’t want to let those people know they have gotten the better of me. Call it presenting a new mask. Call it being lame and weak. I’m sure there is some really good explanation that I honestly don’t give a rip about. All I know is that I’m tired of being second-rate to those I give my best too.
So, if I seem angry, grumpy, withdrawn, secluded, or distant to you… stop and ask yourself if you might be the reason, because I’m tired of trying to fix things with everyone.
Like I said way back there.. it’s about to get raw. Can’t say I didn’t warn you.
And now… now I see it.
This might be why my children think I’m a cynic.
And it might become my new tagline…
Warning: I Might Be A Cynic…
In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Tagline.”